You have been through a lot and may or may not be all the way through the pain and grief filled tunnel of divorce that takes you from being coupled to living single. If courage is being scared to death and doing it anyway, than it takes great courage to find hope in a situation you never dreamed you would have to reconcile. And in that hope, even if you have had to borrow the hope of those who love you at times, you have found brighter days.

Now is the time to invest in YOU! By the time we get to this point, most of us have acquiesced and deferred, all in an attempt to satisfy someone’s ego in the cover name of the greater good, that we don’t even know who we are anymore. It’s time to ask …

Who was I before I started abandoning myself for others?

Who am I outside all of my relationships?

What are your strengths, weaknesses, and mistakes and are you willing to make changes?

Instead of doing things on autopilot or out of deference to others, start asking yourself “What do YOU want?” Make conscious choices, the choices that align with your values, needs and desires.

Choose truth, joy, faith, community and service to others. Community lets you know that you are not alone in your experience. Service to others takes the focus off of yourself. Especially during a divorce and while moving into living single, we need the help of others but we can also help others. It’s a win-win 

On Happiness

You can have flaws, be anxious, and ever angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can stop it from going bust. Many appreciate you, admire you and love you. 

Remember that to be happy is not to have a sky without a storm, a road without accidents, work without fatigue, relationships without disappointments. 

To be happy is to find strength in forgiveness, hope in battles, security in the stage of fear, love in discord. It is not only to enjoy the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It is not only to celebrate the successes, but to learn lessons from the failures. It is not only to feel happy with the applause, but to be happy in anonymity. Being happy is not a fatality of destiny, but an achievement for those who can travel within themselves. 

To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become your destiny's author. It is to cross deserts, yet to be able to find an oasis in the depths of our soul. It is to thank God for every morning, for the miracle of life. 

Being happy is not being afraid of your own feelings. It's to be able to talk about you. It is having the courage to hear a "no". It is confidence in the face of criticism, even when unjustified. It is to kiss your children, pamper your parents, to live poetic moments with friends, even when they hurt us. To be happy is to let live the creature that lives in each of us, free, joyful and simple. 

It is to have maturity to be able to say, “I made mistakes.” It is to have the courage to say, “I am sorry.” It is to have the sensitivity to say, “I need you.” It is to have the ability to say, “I love you.” 

May your life become a garden of opportunities for happiness ... that in spring may it be a lover of joy … in winter a lover of wisdom. And when you make a mistake, start all over again. For only then will you be in love with life. 

You will find that to be happy is not to have a perfect life. But use the tears to irrigate tolerance. Use your losses to train patience. Use your mistakes to sculpt serenity. Use pain to plaster pleasure. Use obstacles to open windows of intelligence. 

Never give up. Never give up on people who love you. Never give up on happiness, for life is an incredible show. 

Attributed to both Pope Francis and a renowned 19th century Portuguese poet … but the author is unknown